Design and Culture Thoughts of the Day

I'm caught between two opposing forces. I'm working for a start up company that seems to have brought me back to my blog again. If you're curious this post won't be made public until I leave this place. It seemed to come at the perfect time. I joined a startup company that aims to create a social media network for diverse candidates in all fields. I went out of my way (at least I was paid) to comb through my contacts and get them excited about this platform. I've been here a few weeks, and thought the CEO is a bit "agro," (I figure that is just the way one gets things done. I've been a bit aggressive while driving a product, from the ground up) generally everyone at the company seems very nice and talented. I'm very proud of my team and I realize even more that diversity and inclusion is a prominent field where I can shine. Slowly, starting last week, I begin to dig through old posts. The website used to be a social group kind of thing, that wa...

I wasn't prepared to not get paid. But then, I was working for a start-up. That feeling when you schedule a 1:1 just to get the money you worked for. They give you the check, probably not knowing that you plan on leaving. If you told them flat-out that you were leaving, they would probably "forget" to pay you or just ghost on paying. They finish the conversation saying "let's keep the conversation going." Then you get your money, by calling a meeting, explaining why you need the money (WTF) and what you plan to do for the rest of the month (but you don't-- you plan to leave). And then you feel bad leaving. But you have to remember, they asked you to work for free, and you can't do that. So you take your last check and leave. I've had to jump through hoops to get my last check many times before. What's worse than disappointing me with crappy culture and late paychecks, is wasting the very thing that keeps me going -- my time and energ...

At 18 years old, I didn't want to go into student debt, because I was told I wouldn't pay it back. My parents insisted that I should go to a university because I have high potential and shouldn't waste it. After school, it was the economic recession of 2009 and I got a job at a start up company, but lost it three months later when the company was bought out. It would be years until I worked at a tech company again, since I had little experience. Without many options left for my career, I went to graduate school. My staff were always much too busy to work with me but I managed to graduate. My quality of education was very low, without much support from my staff. But my tuition bill is very high. I apply to tech companies and I live in the bay area but this doesn't make it much easier to find a job. I was laid off from my tech job in 2016, and I have only found contracts ever since. I don't pay high rent, and live outside of the city. But I never have enough money...

Both of the Facebook communities I’ve started have successfully connected people in their profession. Bay Area Womxn In Games is a place people turn to to find jobs and connect for collaborations. Bay Electronic Music Performers has been a place where people team up with other musicians to form a lineup at a show. I’ve learned so much from both and I’m now a master networker. Both groups are self sustaining and other people have kept it up of their own accord. There’s no business license or anything involved. It’s more of a social impact thing. I’m creating the future. The scenes that I want to see. Honestly now that I’ve made my bed in both groups, I sort of have to decide if I want to lay in them. Womxn in Games...  as proud of it as I am, may not be my permanent home. I’m no longer in games, I am sorry to say, and I feel it’s too idealistic to be in them again. Namely because I don’t usually find my kind of tribe, my kind of people in Games. It sucks. I’m interested in indie...

"Are you going to do it, or are you going to make me do it? Can I hand you this work and walk away and when I come back... can it magically be made perfect, just like I expected?" "I don't want to tell you what to do because I'm afraid it's bossing you around. And I have no idea how to ask nicely if you need help." "... You expected guidance? Why didn't you tell me? I can't read your mind!" None of us can. :p I can't believe it when I find myself still dealing with these kinds of communication breakdowns as a professional adult. It's just the same as deciding who is going to vacuum the house, and how often, back when I was living in the dorms freshmen year. Roles and role relationships need to be set in stone, pre-decided and discussed thoroughly. With visual diagrams on the overall pipeline. Otherwise all of this tug-of-war is just unsustainable. It causes hurt feelings and frustration. Why can't people just tell yo...

Over the years, I've grown a lot. I've been shell shocked by my first tech job, by my first game job, by finding myself in new places with new faces and even by being well known over the internet. And there's something to be said for knowing who you are, what you shine at and how to make money off of it. I find myself in new environments, but whatever I do, my process and my actions have to feel like me. I feel more brave about being myself than ever before. I'm not going to think to myself, "oh people don't want this talent. I'll try to be something else." It's a fine line. You market yourself a certain way, but you never quite act in a way that isn't part of your character. You can never be someone you're not. And that's good, because more importantly, you have to step into work where you feel like yourself, you can be yourself, and that work is going to be the most beautiful. It gets complex knowing what you do and what you do...

Some people seem to think that being a community organizer stifles your individuality. Or that being a woman of color, or a leader of a marginalized group takes you away from your creativity and your dreams. Don't worry- it doesn't. Maybe this is similar to being the matriarch of the family and the myth that good parents care about others more than they care about themselves. This is a falsehood that is used to demean jobs that consist of emotional labor or positions that are traditionally given to women. We all know that our personal experiences make us unique and our passion gives us the fire to create. Not only to create products but also to create the change you want to see in the social world. You have to believe in it and lead the way in order to see change. Of course there are some who won't be able to keep up with you. But, having a personality has very much to do with having a perspective, so the politics that you surround yourself with does make you who yo...